Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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