The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
