dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
