dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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