Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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