My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
