If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
