I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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