I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
