if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
