Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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