I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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