Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
