we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
