Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
