a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
