Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
