So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
