is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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