i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
