My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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