There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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