HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
