I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
