My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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