Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
