What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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