I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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