just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
