Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
