this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
