did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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