Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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