Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
