Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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