everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
