he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
