That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
