you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
