I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
