he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
