So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
