Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
