did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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