I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize