Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize