I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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