great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
