i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
