That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
