do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
