I wish I could teleport
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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