Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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