Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
