Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize