It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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