if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My pussy is not your playground.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COCAINE IS GR8
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
