That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
