A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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