Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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