Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
