So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
