Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
