well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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