His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
