Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
