He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
