We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm both gender and math confused
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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