all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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