I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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