u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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