my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
