you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
