somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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