3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
