are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
